Parasites, Part Two

I've shared some of the nasty details of my parasite adventure with all of you in "Parasites: Part One," but I did not reflect much on how this ordeal had an impact on me spiritually.  We've been in Toronto for nearly a month now and I'm still in the middle of this story -- we've yet to see how all of this will work itself out for God's glory.  He is only giving us one piece of the puzzle at a time and I'm only seeing half of the picture at this point.  My pain continues and in some ways is worsening, and I continue to WAIT for referral letters and appointments to be made.  I continue to cry out to the Lord daily for wisdom and discernment, as well as complete healing.  In "His time...."

I realize that there are many people who have it worse than me.  Parasites are curable (I hope...) and the truth is I am very grateful for my diagnosis!  I have spent many hours over the past year listening to people who have lived with long-term chronic pain, or others who struggle with cancer and other diseases.  I have an older brother who has lived with Multiple Sclerosis for twelve years now, and he understands what it means to suffer.  I have heard their testimonies and have gained insight from these people.  Perhaps I am truly listening to them for the first time.  For the first time I actually pray consistently for those who tell me they're hurting.  This is one way that my pain has changed me.

I have learned a lot about myself through this trial.  I've learned that I am a man of "little faith."  It's true.  I know myself better than you do, and trust me -- my version of faith is much shallower than those I read about in Scripture!  I will go ahead and expose myself and make myself vulnerable.  I'm ashamed to admit it, but I will: my pain produced fear and anxiety rather than hope and trust.  I cried out to God continually, but I was constantly reminding God about how big my storm was rather than reminding the storm about how big my God is.  With each visit to the doctor and every bad report, I felt more and more hopeless.  It seems like I banged on every door of every doctor, but I got no answers.  I banged on the door of heaven, pleading for some kind of a diagnosis and a cure, but I only got worse!  My prayers seemed worthless and powerless.   I had never been "here" in my spiritual journey before.  It was a deep and dark valley and I hated it.  I felt abandoned.

When the pain became so unbearable that I couldn't sleep, I stayed up all night singing hymns and praying out loud as I read through Psalms (my poor family didn't get to sleep much during those days either!).  Often, April and DJ would come in and join me in the middle of the night.  I remember my son literally crying when he prayed to God, asking Him to heal me.  It broke my heart.  I wish I could say that I felt the "peace that passes understanding," but I didn't.  There was a darkness and a hopelessness that seemed to get heavier and heavier.  I confessed every sin I ever committed to as many people as I could.  I left nothing uncovered.  I fasted and prayed.  I had friends and coworkers and elders lay hands on me and anoint me with oil, praying for my physical healing.  I worshiped God through many sleepless nights.  I read every word of the Bible, seeking answers and claiming every promise I found.  And despite all this I only got worse.

I never felt at any moment that God was saying that He would not heal me.  I am not a Cessationist as some of my friends are, so I believe strongly that the Lord continues to heal people today.  I've seen Him miraculously heal many people over the years -- including my own wife!  The only thing I was sure He was telling me was "wait."  That was actually very hard for me to accept.  As I was "waiting" things seemed to only get worse.  However, I can see now that the Lord was using this pain (I'm not convinced He caused it -- but rather allowed it) to accomplish His purposes and plan.  He was at work in my heart, dragging me through the "valley of humiliation" and dealing with unresolved issues in my life.  I believe now that He was also at work in my circumstances to bring us back to Toronto.  I would have never taken this road in a million years, but only God knows what I need and where I need to go.  Now that I'm sitting in Toronto -- with a hopeful diagnosis, I can see that more clearly.

There is another spiritual issue I want to address, and I'm a bit more hesitant to share my honest thoughts.  I've encountered many people who disagree with me and are uncomfortable when I begin to share the following details.  Many people have reminded me -- especially as I was pleading for healing -- that God did not heal Job or Paul (referring to his "thorn in the flesh"), and that often God does not heal His people.  I won't get into the issue of healing right now, but rather the other side of these two particular instances in Scripture and how they relate to my story.  When people told me my situation reminded them of Job or Paul, I would ask, "So, you think I'm under a Satanic attack?"  That's obviously not what they meant, but this is exactly what happened in both of these situations, and if we're going to base our doctrine of suffering primarily on these two exceptional portions of Scripture, then we must include the spiritual dynamic, shouldn't we?  In both situations Satan was directly involved and responsible for the suffering inflicted on God's servants.  A colleague asked me at one point, "Do you think this is a spiritual attack or merely physical?'  Couldn't it be both?  Do we not have evidence in Scripture (such as with Job and Paul) that the demonic can manifest themselves through physical suffering (even among God's people)?  ...See, I told you this would make some of you uncomfortable.

All my pain began the day I returned from a preaching tour in Tamil Nadu with a national friend.  We were able to share the Gospel with hundreds of people who have never heard it before.  My initial (and undiagnosed) pain subsided a few days later, but then my whole family became seriously ill -- everyone but me and my youngest, Caleb.  For over two weeks my family was sick, with constant vomiting and diarrhea, and their diarrhea was filled with blood and mucus.  Ethan's temperature was averaging around 105 and we couldn't cool him down.  He began to hallucinate pretty badly, so I called a friend who took us to the hospital.  Once in the hospital he sat up for the first time in days and his temperature disappeared.  He had no diarrhea -- nothing!  The doctor rolled her eyes and sent us home.  The minute my friend dropped us off and drove away my son fell to the ground and threw up.  His fever spiked within minutes and he began to have bloody diarrhea again.  I put my whole sick family in an auto rickshaw and took them back to the hospital.  I insisted that the doctor take blood, stool, and urine tests.  Even with bloody-green stool, the doctors could not detect anything -- all the tests came back normal.

Now, here's the clincher.  A friend of mine had enough discernment to recognize this was a spiritual attack.  He came to our house and rebuked the evil spirits.  The result was that my family recovered within hours.  This, however, was not the end of the battle.  My pain returned, and this time it was worse.  Also, April got depressed -- seriously depressed, and that's not like her at all.  She couldn't get out of bed in the morning and then spent the rest of the day crying.  She couldn't tell me why -- she said she just felt hopeless and overwhelmed.  After a month of this I asked you all to pray for her, and specifically for her deliverance from a spiritual attack.  Some of you agreed that this was the case and prayed accordingly.  The result was that she was almost immediately transformed!  She said it was as if a huge weight were lifted.  Your prayers had a miraculous impact at that time!

We know now that I have parasites and that the parasites have been causing my pain.  I probably will not be able to convince most of you that there was a demonic aspect to this trial, despite giving you a detailed timeline of pain/symptoms spiking in correlation to ministry events, or why my pain went undiagnosed for so long, or the eery details of what I experienced at an emotional level.  Throughout this whole process I've had several people remind me that a spiritual battle could never be this powerful -- the enemy would run away with one quick rebuke in Jesus' name.  No praying and fasting is necessary, and they would surely leave me alone after the first rebuke.  Also, demons can't "hurt" God's people!  I was warned not to become "charismatic" or "pentecostal."  All this because I said I'm convinced this is a spiritual attack -- and yes, I believe demons can use parasites just as they can use a "thorn in the flesh" or boils or calamities.

A pastor and mentor in Billings, who happened to spend time as a missionary in South Africa, realized the reality of my situation and encouraged me to share this with a small group of trustworthy men.  I agreed and asked a select group of people to begin to pray specifically against the enemy.  I shared details with them and how to pray strategically.  Everything began to change at that point.  Within weeks (days, really) I had a diagnosis and the doors to Toronto began to open.  I had been praying against the enemy alone for months with no real progress, but when a handful of faithful and like-minded men came alongside me and began praying in unison for my deliverance, that's when the enemy began to retreat -- that's when the healing began.

I think it's easy to be "liberal" in our theology and suspicious of the supernatural when we are comfortable.  Why would the enemy attack us if we're not a threat to his work?  I just happened to "step over the line" into enemy territory and that's when all this began.  My pain actually lessened significantly when I returned to the U.S.  That's not to say that there isn't a spiritual war waging in our country -- we know there is!  But South India is different.  There is very little light in that region and the enemy wants to keep it that way.  Temples and mosques dot the landscape and true Christians are persecuted daily.  There are a handful of missionaries who are there right now -- on the front lines of one of the most intense spiritual battles -- and they are fully aware of that fact.  Please don't just pray simple prayers for them -- pray strategically!  We know God wins in the end, but somehow our prayers play some part in the story, right?

There - I've really exposed myself, but this too is a part of my story.  And the story continues....